


mcu group chat because we needed another one of those

by i_am_bluegreen



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Group chat, M/M, everyones a lil bit stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26233033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_am_bluegreen/pseuds/i_am_bluegreen
Summary: Sam Wilson: did u kno that ducks dicks r 16 inches long erect and r built like corkscrewsBucky Barnes: no i did not...Natasha Romanoff: wow i can’t believe duck dicks are longer than tony’s whole bodyor: sam makes a group chat and madness ensues
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	1. wilsons weiner facts

12:47 pm

**_new group chat (Sam Wilson, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanoff, Peter Parker)_ **

_Sam Wilson changed group chat name to wilsons weiner facts_

Sam Wilson: did u kno that ducks dicks r 16 inches long erect and r built like corkscrews

Bucky Barnes: no i did not…

Peter Parker: What the fuck

Tony Stark: cant you read peter? its wilsons weiner facts

Natasha Romanoff: wow i can’t believe duck dicks are longer than tony’s whole body

Tony Stark: oh fuck of nta

Peter Parker: ‘Fuck of nta’ sounds like a DnD name-

_Tony Stark changed Peter Parker’s name to nerd lmao_

nerd lmao: How could you? I was defending your honour!

Natasha Romanoff: your correct grammar scares me tbh

nerd lmao: Oh fuck of nta

Steve Rogers: Can you guys shhh? I’m in English with Mrs O’Connor :’(

Sam Wilson: f

Tony Stark: f

Natasha Romanoff: f

Bucky Barnes: f

nerd lmao: f

Steve Rogers: :’(

Sam Wilson: wow u guys suc

Sam Wilson: hasnt anyon ever told u to respect ur elders

Steve Rogers: Learn to spell, Sam

nerd lmao: f

Tony Stark: f

Bucky Barnes: f

Natasha Romanoff: f

Sam Wilson: i take bac wat i said

_Sam Wilson changed Steve Rogers’s name to lil bitch :’(_

_lil bitch :’( changed their name to lil boy :’)_

Bucky Barnes: that was lowkey adorable ngl

lil boy :’): I am low-key adorable aren’t I :D

nerd lmao: Y’know it kinda looks like a sad face on the right side…

Natasha Romanoff: which ones right?

Sam Wilson: the side were it looks like a sad face nta

Natasha Romanoff: guess we’re sticking with the nta thing-

_nerd lmao changed Natasha Romanoff’s name to nta_

Bucky Barnes: nta *chef kiss*

lil boy :’): I just got kicked out of class :’(

Tony Stark: i’m coming to get you riGHT NOW!!!!

nerd lmao: Come get me too, please!

Sam Wilson: me 2

Bucky Barnes: me three

nta: me 4 ig

Tony Stark: were gonna recreate that breakfast club scene!

Tony Stark: ive got nta and penis parker and barns and sweezy

Tony Stark: im coming for u stevie

nerd lmao: I-

_Bucky Barnes changed their name to barns_

_Sam Wilson changed their name to s weezy_

_nta changed nerd lmao’s name to penis parker_

Tony Stark: we stan having a gramerticaly correct username

penis parker: Gramerticaly?

Tony Stark: thats what i said yes

penis parker: Alright

nta: for someone with such good grades. you cannot text…

lil boy :’): Oh my gosh, I see you guys

lil boy :’): You look so cool walking down the hall haha

barns: v formation bby

Tony Stark: v formation

s weezy: much wow

nta: such cool

barns: why did i even say anything

4:58 pm

**_wilsons weiner facts_ **

lil boy :’): You ever make a mistake?

barns: i said it was fine!

lil boy :’): And you can never come back from it?

Tony Stark: omg sis spill the tea

nta: *everyone hated that*

Tony Stark: fuck of nta

barns: hes overreacting its fine

lil boy :’): I’ll never be a *whole* man again.

s weezy: dude wat did u do

barns: he put his finger in my mouth

lil boy :’): I put my finger in his mouth…

nta: lowkey kinky

s weezy; LMAOO

penis parker: I come back to -this-

Tony Stark: may i ask why u did that steve

barns: he tried to boop my nose but missed

lil boy :’): I’m gonna go jump out a window

Penis Parker: Where are you now?

lil boy :’): Halfway out said window

barns: he locked himself in my bathroom

Tony Stark: steev u wanna come out off buckys bathroom

lil boy :’): No.

barns: …steev?

Tony Stark: i tried

Peter Parker: A for effort :)

s weezy: wait so steves *at* buckys house

barns: yes. in my bathroom.

s weezy: thats kinda… gay

barns: ur kinda gay

lil boy :’): I am no longer at Bucky’s house.

barns: …why?

Tony Stark: he jumped out the window

barns: dUDE THATS LIKE THREE STORIES UP

s weezy: u hav a 3 story house

barns: so do u fuck off

nta: you guys are fucking RICH?!

Tony Stark: i lowkey thought you lived under a bridge

barns: fuck you

Tony Stark: ;P

barns: cOME HELP ME GET STEVE BACK!

s weezy: wow chill ur vibe bro

penis parker: I’m on my way to your house, Bucky

barns: thank you penis

1:34 am

**_(private message) - Steve and Bucky_ **

Steve: Hey, sorry for earlier

Bucky: its fine

Bucky: voring your finger was funny

Steve: I am no longer sorry for earlier

12:04 am

**_wilsons weiner facts_ **

Tony Stark: fuck. peanut m&ms r VERY good

Tony Stark: i wood die 4 peanut m&ms

penis parker: What are you talking about?

Tony Stark: peanut m&ms

penis parker: I see that, but why?

Tony Stark: because they r VERY good

penis parker: They are?

Tony Stark: yes.

s weezy: i think penis is hating on peanut mnms

penis parker: I’m allergic, so yeah

s weezy: :O

Tony Stark: :O!!!!!!!

_s weezy changed penis parker’s name to peanut hater_

s weezy: you hethan!!!!

peanut hater: …You mean *heathen?

s weezy: shhhh

nta: it upsets me that tonys name is just hsi name ngl

lil boy :’): Everyone! Can you *please* go to sleep!

lil boy :’): You just woke up Bucky >:(

barns: it takes zero dollars to wait until morning to text

nta: …

s weezy: …

Tony Stark: …

lil boy :’): What?

s weezy: bucky wasnt in the chat wen u said that…

nta: how did u know he was awake?

barns: maybe because i am right next to him.

lil boy :’): We were watching Lego Batman and he fell asleep on my lap

lil boy :’): And of course I couldn’t move because then I’d wake him up

nta: thats actually very valid…

s weezy: id fall asleep 2 if i was watching lego batman

barns: shut the fuck up i like that movie

s weezy: you would

Tony Stark: mmm ookkkkk

lil boy :’): I’m tired too though, so can you all please go to sleep?

nta: goodnight setve

s weezy: goodnite setve

peanut hater: Goodnight, Setve

Tony Stark: goodnigth setve

barns: goodnight setve

lil boy :’): I hate it here.


	2. girlie talk

1:41 pm

**_wilsons weiner facts_ **

_nta added Clint Barton to wilsons weiner facts_

Clint Barton: i said certified freak

nta: seven days a week

s weezy: wet ass pussy mak that pullout game week

lil boy :’): Um. What?

barns: yeah you fuckin with some wet ass pussy

peanut hater: Please stop…

Clint Barton: bring a bucket and a mop for this wet-ass pussy

Tony Stark: spare the children and also the elderly plz

s weezy: give me everything u got 4 this wet ass pussy

lil boy :’): STOP

barns: oop-

_Clint Barton changed their name to wasted-ass potential_

nta: clint said he wanted a part of this

wasted-ass potential: and i’m honestly offended you didn’t add me to begin with.

Tony Stark: steves a very closed mindd person

wasted-ass potential: and tony’s a very small mindd person, i assume

barns: you have assumed correct

Tony Stark: stfu

lil boy :’): Guys can’t we all just have one day where we pay attention in class?

s weezy: …

s weezy: …

lil boy :’): Sam, please!

s weezy: …make it cream make me scream…

barns: …out in public make a scene…

nta: …i dont cook i dont clean…

wasted-ass potential: …but let me tell you how i got this ring…

Tony Stark: jeepers gang,,, theres some whores in this house,,,

_lil boy :’) left the chat_

wasted-ass potential: oh f

barns: f indeed

s weezy: f

nta: f

Tony Stark: f

peanut hater: f

7:52 am

**_wilsons weiner facts_ **

_barns added lil boy :’) to wilsons weiner facts_

barns: anyone wanna help me get sam out of jail?

Tony Stark: no

barns: okay thank you

lil boy :’): Why is Sam in jail!?

nta: personally i dont think its any of our business

lil boy :’): Bucky, what did Sam do?

barns: nothing you can prove

nta: he probably just killed a dude or smthn

nta: nothin bad

Tony Stark: yeah he do be a bit of a pussy tho

barns: id now like to invite mr barton to the stand to say a few words

wasted-ass potential: thank you. i’d like to talk about the happier moments on sam’s life. like when he choked on bucky’s finger that one time

nta: OMG I REMEMBER THAT!!!

barns: omg i remember that…

wasted-ass potential: or like that time he ate his homework because he hadn’t finished it

wasted-ass potential: his detainment was a long time coming, but that doesn’t stop it from being painful

peanut hater: Guys, Sam’s sitting right next to me…

barns: FUN KILLER!!!!!

wasted-ass potential: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

nta: oooooo busteddddd

s weezy: YOU SUCK OH MY GOD

Tony Stark: pfffffff phat f

barns: I HATE YOU PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

s weezy: I HATE YOU ALSO PENIS

barns: i am going to kill you and everything you love.

lil boy :’): Stop threatening the kid, guys!

peanut hater: I’m feeling a bit unsafe…

s weezy: i am going to kill you and everything you love.

lil boy :’): Well, I tried.

peanut hater: I- okay…

8:25 am

**_birds and the bees - mister rogers, wilson, jakin-roman-off, robin wood_ **

wilson: hay ladies and nat

wilson: any thouts on mr barns

robin wood: stupid

jakin-roman-off: og dumbass

mister rogers: He’s cute

mister rogers: Oh I mean… what she said

wilson: …ok king

jakin-roman-off: (: I Am Looking Respectfully :)

wilson: steve wyd ahaha

mister rogers: I mean it like a friend, I’d say you were cute too

robin wood: uh-huh

8:39 am

**_wilsons weiner facts_ **

nta: i cant believe steve has a crush on someone

lil boy :’): No, Nat please don’t

s weezy: i canot even imagin ethat.

barns: ooooo steve! why didnt i know about this?!

wasted-ass potential: yeah steve, why didn’t he know?

Tony Stark: omg whatd i miss?!

_nta changed lil boy :’)’s name to smitten rogers_

smitten rogers: You’re all so mean to me…

barns: hehehe steves becoming a man :’) im so proud

peanut hater: Who does he like though…?

smitten rogers: It doesn’t matter…

barns: i would like to know >:)

barns: dm me ;P

wasted-ass potential: dm him steve

smitten rogers: Well, this conversation has been very uncomfortable.

smitten rogers: I now must bid you all goodbye.

smitten rogers: Goodbye.

peanut hater: What just happened?

nta: love, young boy

peanut hater: I don’t think that’s what that…

barns: shhh yes it was

wasted-ass potential: hehehe yes it was

8:51 am

**_(private message) - tasha and ampucutie_ **

ampucutie: whats up with grandpa

tasha: idk bruh it was just a joke

ampucutie: eh ill talk to him later

tasha: can u tell him we were joking

ampucutie: sure sis ttyl

11:56 pm

**_wilsons weiner facts_ **

wasted-ass potential: hey hey hey babes

Tony Stark: rite back at u lovely

nta: omg i ship it

wasted-ass potential: oh frfr? stark hmu lmao

Tony Stark: u have me blocked lol

nta: wait why did he block you

wasted-ass potential: oh yknow… reasons ;P

s weezy: lol i got suspended XD

Tony Stark: cool story bro

smitten rogers: Oh gosh, I can’t leave you guys alone for 5 minutes

s weezy: mr furry realy hated my cool sunglasses

Tony Stark: the 1s that said dick furry

s weezy: yuh

nta: THAT SHIT FUCKED THO

s weezy: hes just a fun killer like penis parker

smitten rogers: I’m sorry but can you guys talk in a seperate group chat?

wasted-ass potential: just silence your phone

smitten rogers: Not my phone that’s the issue

nta: …what

s weezy: ohhhh bucky again

Tony Stark: ohhhhh i forgot that theyr fuckin

wasted-ass potential: again?

smitten rogers: We’re not ‘fuckin’ >:(

nta: wtvr u say

12:19 am

**_girlie talk - clint and steel, redy, birb, toby stack_ **

clint and steel: you never said they were gay!

redy: yes we did

birb: yes we did

toby stack: yes we did

clint and steel: …point taken

redy: weve been trying to get them together for years

birb: we lowkey gave up

toby stack: theyre just so clueles

redy: ^^^

clint and steel: this is so sad, alexa play heather


	3. STDs and ur mom

3:51 pm

**_wilsons weiner facts_ **

Tony Stark: cuz yall didnt really answer at school…

barns: for the last fucking time tony. we are not going to get tested for stds with you.

s weezy: …i get suspended one time and i miss -this-…

barns: there wasnt much to miss tbh

Tony Stark: wow u guys suck.

wasted-ass potential: and you swallow XD LOLOLOLOL

nta: fr isn’t that why you’re even in this situation lmao

wasted-ass potential: oh yeah, why do you even need to get tested?

Tony Stark: if u come u get to find out >:)

barns: …im good i dont care that much

nta: neither

wasted-ass potential: ditto

s weezy: idk guys im kinda curious

barns: SAM NO!

Tony Stark: hellll yeah sammy boyyyy

s weezy: ew don tcall me that

smitten rogers: Guys, what is all this?

peanut hater: Oh, Steve wasn’t at school today

nta: clint

wasted-ass potential: yes, nat?

nta: the floor is yours

wasted-ass potential: okay! so there we were, sitting at lunch, simply vibing, when the one and only STarkD walks up and hes like ‘hey gang wanna go get tested for stds with me’ and were all like ‘king no wyd’ and hes like ‘plz’ and then the bell rang so we were safe. but not for long because at exactly 3:41 this afternoon tony returned and was like ‘cuz yall didnt really answer at school…’ and, well, the rest is history :)

smitten rogers: Somehow I have more questions after that

wasted-ass potential: wow ok, shatter my soul why don’t you.

_s weezy changed Tony Stark’s name to STarkD_

STarkD: FINALLY!!!!!!

barns: …stark transmitted disease…

s weezy: ye bucky good job u got the joke

barns: youre so mean to me :’(

barns: steve come save me

smitten rogers: From what?

barns: sam :’(

smitten rogers: Sam leave him alone

nta: oop

s weezy: oop

wasted-ass potential: oop

STarkD: oop

peanut hater: …Oop?

nta: you werent there dont worry

barns: lmao what just happened

peanut hater: I have no idea, and honestly I don’t know if I care

barns: OH THATS A VIBE

4:32 am

**_girlie talk - clint and steel, redy, birb, toby stack_ **

redy: hmmmmm

birb: huhmmmmm

toby stack: ok they need to get together

clint and steel: oh, they absolutely need to get together

birb: steves to much of a wap minus the wa to say shit tho

redy: but bucky doesnt ever know whats up

toby stack: ^^^ hes the human embodyment of ‘???’

clint and steel: well then i guess we’ll just have to do it for them

toby stack: r u implying what i think ur implying

clint and steel: yes i am

_clint and steel has changed the group chat name to matchmakers_

clint and steel: operation ‘get stucky together’ has commenced.

birb: oh hell yeahhhhhh

4:59 am

**_(private message) - tasha and ampucutie_ **

tasha: hey man

ampucutie: hey woman

tasha: do you fancy anyone?

ampucutie: …why?

tasha: just wonderingyknow how it be

ampucutie: lmao i thought this was a weird way of asking me out

tasha: ew in ur dreams buck

ampucutie: haha i would never

ampucutie: but yeah i do ‘fancy someone’

tasha: oooooooooooooooo pray tell?

ampucutie: oh god but its SO embarrassing

tasha: as long as it isnt like sam or smthn then how embarrassing could it be

ampucutie: haha… right.

_ampucutie has blocked the chat_

tahsa: OH MY GOD

5:49 am

**_wilsons weiner facts_ **

nta: i cant believe bucky has a crush on someone

barns: scandalous i know

s weezy: OMG PFFGDVHBSJIOYTUGWI

barns: oh my god dude wyd

smitten rogers: Why is it always Nat who knows everything about everyone?

nta: cuz im the best >:)

STarkD: who does bucky wanna smash

barns: your mom ahaha

peanut hater: First Steve and now Bucky? The plot thickens-

barns: your mom thickens

smitten rogers: Okay, that’s enough of that. It’s five in the morning what are you all doing up?

nta: bucky unblock me please :(

barns: nah i dont htink i will

s weezy: bucky unblock nta please

barns: nah i dont htink i will

wasted-ass potential: WHAT’D I MISS?!?!?!?

nta: buckys tryna smahs

s weezy: is it… you know who?

nta: SAM

barns: haha……what?

wasted-ass potential: SAM!!!!!!!!

barns: what would the twelvie say? ‘the plot thickens’?

peanut hater: >:( I’m not twelve

barns: eh close enough

smitten rogers: So we’re just going to forget what Sam said?

STarkD: no were just not gonna acknowlege it :)

s weezy: eyyyyy

smitten rogers: Cool, can we all go to sleep for once

1:35 pm

**_wilsons weiner facts_ **

s weezy: cool shoes toby

STarkD: thanks man :D

s weezy: do the ycome in mens

STarkD: >:(

smitten rogers: You two are sitting right next to each other.

nta: cool joke sam does it come in mens

barns: cool comeback nat does it come in mens

nta: cool comeback buck does it come in mens

barns: cool comeback nat does it come in mens

nta: cool comeback buck does it come in mens

peanut hater: DEAR GOD STOP

smitten rogers: Can’t we all just talk face to face?!

wasted-ass potential: nah i’m good

s weezy: cool comebak clint dos it come in mens

peanut hater: AUGHHHHHHH

7:19 pm

**_wilsons weiner facts_ **

barns: hey ladies and gentleman

barns: wanna come to my house this weekend

s weezy: gay

barns: ur gay

s weezy: no u

nta: sure dude what time

barns: ur mom o clock

smitten rogers: Real original, man

peanut hater: Sure, I’m down

barns: how about 7 on saturday

wasted-ass potential: 7?! IN THE MORNING?!

barns: no in the evening you dumbass

wasted-ass potential: ooooh, yeah i’m down then

smitten rogers: Me too

s weezy: ill have to chek my busy busy skedjul

barns: idk whether to be more upset by the misspelling or that i could read that

s weezy: wel tHEN HOW DO U SPELL IT?!

barns: SCHEDULE!!!!!!

s weezy: YOUC ANT ECSPECT ME TO BE ABLE TO SPELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

barns: YOURE A HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nta: wow. chill.

peanut hater: I’m coming

nta: oh yeah me 2

STarkD: im coming also

s weezy: the amount of ‘im coming’ makes me happy

s weezy: but my *schedule* is v packed but ill c if i can fit u in

barns: i fucking hate you

7:28 pm

**_(private message) - tasha and ~~ampucutie~~_ **

tasha: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

tasha: oh wait im blocked…

7:29 pm

**_wilsons weiner facts_ **

nta: bucky unblock me or im ripping ur other arm off

barns: deadass?

nta: deadass.

wasted-ass potential: phat f to bucky ahaha

smitten rogers: Bucky, why did you block Nat

barns: cuz it was funny

nta: it was p funny

STarkD: lol whats the issue then

nta: i wanna bully him :(

barns: oop there it is

s weezy: dont worry nat im w u on this 1

barns: i need better friends lmao

wasted-ass potential: bold of you to assume you can do better than us

peanut hater: Can’t we all just get along tho

barns: fuck you clint

wasted-ass potential: ain’t that the dream, penis :’(

peanut hater: Don’t call me that >:(

**Author's Note:**

> i hope ya'll are enjoying the story! If anyone has any suggestions please leave them in the comments :)


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